Complicated
by Dark Blue Butterfly
Summary: Why is it so hard to tell the person you love, you love them? well its doubly hard when their your student, or teacher, and the same sex...
1. Enter kakashi

Hey its me again, thanks to everyone who puts up with my changing writing style. this one is similar in style to Confessions however this is just the begining, it will be different later, this one i'm going to attempt to put up more than one chapter so don't murder me if i kill it. This story also is written to someone because i owe her one, this happens to be her fave couple, so i started writing last night while i was hyped up on a blue demon. Continue at your own risk you have been warned... oh and by the way, most of the begining is supposed to be like a journal entry type a thing... so... ENJOY DAMNIT!! i worked hard on this!

Enjoy

Disclaimer: don't own any of it

Everyday I sit and pretend to be reading, but instead I watch the blonde called Naruto. I watch as he tries, succeeds, fails and tries again. I watch as he's ridiculed, wishing there was someway I could comfort the boy. Still I sit and watch silently as an observer behind my pink book. Naruto is certainly the strongest shinobi I have had the pleasure to meet. Or maybe I'm just biased. Either way, he's much stronger than some of the others I have taught. Being able to brush off the ridiculing, the oppressiveness and still keep the optimism, it astounds me. I pretend to be annoyed with him, but I never really am. How could I be? It's a cover for the admiration I feel for the boy.

I chose to teach the blonde loud mouth for one reason: to get to know him better and to have a chance to comfort him in any small way when he needs it. I admire his strength and determination. His sheer will power amazes me. His whole amazes me. This one kid, this one, boy, he holds my fascination like nobody ever has. Like nothing ever has. I often ponder how a boy with a past like Naruto's could hold his head up so proudly. How one could be so happy, and it's in this regard that I view Naruto most of the time.

At times, I feel attracted to him. Not just the normal fascination, but a sexual attraction. I know that's wrong, and I shouldn't, but I can't control these things. I know I'm his sensei, and he's my student, but he's just so… perfect. Watching him train, so unaware of prying eyes, he's wonderful. He's a different Naruto when training alone. I want to be someone he can be that Naruto around. So desperately do I want this, I'll go to any lengths to achieve this goal, no matter what.

I often sit and ponder my feelings toward this young boy as I sit in my home and try to get to sleep. However sleep has been eluding me as of late. All I can think about it Naruto. Day in and day out, all that's on my mind is Naruto. And I fear that if I don't do something soon, I will go mad. I don't wish however, to rush things. I want him to figure it out on his own, though I doubt he will anytime soon. One can hope for a miracle, right?

His sheer will power amazes me. His whole amazes me. This one kid, this one, boy, he holds my fascination like nobody ever has. Like nothing ever has. I often ponder how a boy with a past like Naruto's could hold his head up so proudly. How one could be so happy, and it's in this regard that I view Naruto most of the time.

At times, I feel attracted to him. Not just the normal fascination, but a sexual attraction. I know that's wrong, and I shouldn't, but I can't control these things. I know I'm his sensei, and he's my student, but he's just so… perfect. Watching him train, so unaware of prying eyes, he's wonderful. He's a different Naruto when training alone. I want to be someone he can be that Naruto around. So desperately do I want this, I'll go to any lengths to achieve this goal, no matter what.

I often sit and ponder my feelings toward this young boy as I sit in my home and try to get to sleep. However sleep has been eluding me as of late. All I can think about it Naruto. Day in and day out, all that's on my mind is Naruto. And I fear that if I don't do something soon, I will go mad. I don't wish however, to rush things. I want him to figure it out on his own, though I doubt he will anytime soon.

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again, this story was written for Envy Uchimaki! haha, she's an author on here as well! go check her out! her pen name is Envy the lost dreamer. she's really good, specially for those of you who like angst... hope you enjoyed my latest story, stay tuned for more! peace out!

p.s review damnit! i love reviews!


	2. Enter Naruto at long last

Hey guys! finally right? i've been trying to get this thing written so i can move on, sorry for the wait and thanks for being patient! sorry its short... like i said i've been trying so hard it just wouldn't write itself like the first chapter did, but anyway!! read review and please don't hate me for it being so short for such a long wait!!

I think I'm insane… honestly I do. I think I'm losing my mind! Wanna know why? No I don't think you do. It's all in my head, literally. I keep having these… thoughts not normal kinda thoughts either, oh no no. Not even about a normal person! No that would be too convenient! No their about someone not expected. Stupid jonin! He bosses me around at training and in my thoughts! Even my dreams! He's trying to take me over!

I'm seriously thinking that I've lost my mind. Who has thoughts like mine about their sensei? Their GUY sensei, other than girls? Really I don't know why! These thoughts are not natural at all because well, they just aren't. I'm thinking of him in more than a teacher student relationship and you are NOT supposed to have feelings for your same sex sensei, right?

But it might be a little easier if once in a while he would pay attention to something, someone else instead of that damnable book! Stupid porn anyway… it might not be so bad if he actually paid attention to me… or even nice to me. But he's always so harsh about everything, I almost feel like he hates me. That makes it the worst because I can't tell someone that hates me that I like them more than I should.

I haven't told anyone about any of this however, how could I? most villagers don't like me anyway, why give them anymore of a reason? I don't need MORE problems than I already do, so this secret is staying a secret.

I would love to tell him and have it turn out like a movie, very doubtful, in fact impossible. But I can wish, right? Maybe one day he'll figure it out on his own. I doubt it, but things change, right?


	3. Dreaming, right?

this chapter is short, i apologize, i've been looking for inspiration for this chapter for a very long time. i was trying to keep it in the same style as the first two, finish it quickly and whatnot withought slaugtering it. I think i did ok, let me know what you think, thank you for being so patient, i'll have the fourth and final chapter up sooner i promise. Again i apologize for it being so short, and if there are any mistakes know that i wrote this in less than an hour right before i posted, so, ignore anything unless it is earth shattering. READ AND ENJOY!!

It all happened so suddenly, I couldn't believe it. It was just like every other day. Almost, I mean, I didn't know it was going to be different, I didn't know anything was going to happen, until it happened. I woke up feeling the same. I went to training, we got a mission. A relatively high ranking mission too. I remember being excited I would be out of the village for a while, but also a little apprehensive, as I would be with Kakashi-sensei for that long outside of the village.

We got to the camp site, the location is irrelevant, and we stopped to rest. We had traveled all day long. It had to have been the hottest day of the summer too… however; I kept my complaints to myself. I feared if I voiced them I might get glared at or scolded. I realized I had been very quiet for the past few days. Whenever I talked lately, he would look at me with an almost angry look. Not like anyone cared if I was quiet, they probably welcomed the silence.

It was the first night; I was sitting in the tree taking first watch when I heard the soft _plop_ of someone landing on the branch I was on. I looked up and saw kakashi-sensei standing next to me. I was startled to say in the least. I didn't dare look at him; I had been dazing off, not paying attention, I was afraid of the consequences. Then he spoke, but it wasn't angry, it was, curious. He asked why I had been so quiet lately. I just stared at him; I couldn't tell him the truth. I looked at the ground and suddenly found that the blades of grass were very interesting. He sat down next to me. I was suddenly nervous. My stomach twisted and rolled, butterflies were fluttering around. I felt slightly sick and cold. He sat in silence for a minute then asked again. He asked if something had happened. I shook my head but still I remained silent. I didn't want to say anything to give away my secret. The only secret I held so close.

He put a hand on my shoulder. He asked me to tell him what was wrong again. I almost broke, but I just stared ahead and stayed silent. I heard him sigh. The hand disappeared and was replaced with his whole arm stretching across my shoulders. I felt my eyes widen and I stiffened with shock. He sensed this and patted my shoulder reassuringly. He asked why I wouldn't tell him in a whisper. I let my head hang a little further so I wouldn't be tempted to look at him. He was quiet again and then he sighed as though he'd just won some sort of internal battle. He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear those words I'd never thought I'd hear come out of his mouth. They startled me and I was frozen in place I couldn't feel anything, my lips felt like they were made of lead. My limbs went numb and I grew light headed. I felt as though I were dreaming. This was paradise and any second I was going to wake up and find it is all just an illusion.

"Naruto, I… Love you. Now please tell me what's wrong."

I heard myself murmur my reply. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember it had the words "I love you too" in there somewhere. A perfect ending to my months and months of painful turmoil. Perfect ending to my vow of silence. Perfect ending to me being the hated fox demon, because this fox demon was loved.


	4. The end is only the begining

I noticed, this chapter is much longer than the last. sorry. I updated quickly though, right? haha, tell me what you think. I like this ending! I can't believe i actually finished it though... wow... yes this is the final chapter, no more. Fin. done. i'm not doing anymore, whine beg and plead all you want but this story is finished. i leave the rest up to your imagination. if you think of something good, send it to me, i'd enjoy reading it. but i will not post more. sorry. enjoy the final chapter of Complicated.

I hadn't planned it. I really hadn't thought about it until then. I had noticed Naruto's growing silence early. He just started, not talking. I didn't understand it, but I never had the opportunity to confront him about it. I planned to ask him on the mission, but that was it, just ask him, nothing more, especially not what I actually ended up doing instead of what I planned on doing. Naruto acted just like every other day since he stopped talking. This time he seemed especially troubled with something. I worried about it all day.

We traveled together in silence, as had our custom became as of late. We arrived at the camp and set up. Naruto seemed to decrease in mood as the time wore on. He became more and more absorbed in his own thoughts and often times would stare at the ground as he walked. When we took small breaks for food and water he just stared at it with a blank look. He would end up putting it back and continuing on without any. My worry increased. I almost broke and asked him at one of the breaks, but I kept my lips sealed. He never glanced at any of us when we did exchange a few words. He kept to himself the whole time.

Neither of his teammates seemed to care much, they seemed almost relieved that he had stayed quiet this long. They seemed happier, it only increased my worries. I started to imagine a hundred different things that could have happened to him to make him go completely polar opposite from his normal bouncy self. They only worried me more and made me more anxious. The more worried and anxious I got, the worse the scenarios became. I was feeding the worry and fear.

Finally we reached the camp I had been so relieved I let out a sigh. I could corner him later tonight and force the answer out of him. After we set up he became more reclusive and absorbed in his thoughts, staring at nothing for long periods of time, I assumed thinking very hard about something. A frown marred his features from time to time; wrinkles crossed his brow as he worried over something. Sometimes his head would hang as though he had been beaten by something. Some internal struggle lost.

Eventually nightfall approached and Naruto volunteered to take first watch, his words were quiet, but they had been the first words I had heard in days. Sasuke and Sakura seemed all too eager to let him take the watch. Soon he took his vantage in the tree and the other two went and lay down. I waited until I could hear them snoring lightly before I jumped up into the tree. He jumped slightly and looked over to see who it was, he noticed me and looked away immediately. I asked him then why he had been so quiet, I was gentle and curious. He looked at everything but me and continued to stay quiet. I sat down next to him and waited for a few minutes. I asked if something had happened in a quieter tone. He stayed silent, almost a determined silence. Not natural. He shook his head, one jerky movement.

I placed a hand on his shoulder and asked him yet again. I was as determined to find out, as he was not to tell me. He continued his silent treatment and he continued not to look at me. I lifted my hand and debated if it would be too much to put my arm around his shoulders. I decided it wouldn't hurt, so I placed my arm on his shoulders. He stiffened beside me so I patted his shoulder soothingly. I whispered the next question, I felt I couldn't say it any louder. I felt that if I said it any louder it would change the response I would get from him. It got nothing from him, but his shoulders slouched even more and it almost looked like he was trying to hide. I wanted to pull him to me, wrap my arms around him and comfort him. He looked so frail and unhappy. However that went against everything I had been denying. I had promised myself I wouldn't, but in this moment it was proving impossible to keep that promise. He would not open up to me and it was painful to be rejected like this. I sighed as I realized it was the only way I was going to be able to get anything out of him. It would be better to get it out and see whether he accepted me now or not. I tightened my hold and pulled him to me. I whispered to him the words I'd only dreamed of saying to him. My heart began to race as they tumbled out of my mouth almost naturally.

"Naruto, I… Love you. Now please tell me what's wrong."

I heard a slight gasp and he relaxed slightly. His answer sunk my heart. He told me he thought that I had hated him this whole time. He told me he had loved me for a long time, but had been tortured with the pain of thinking the person he loved, hated him. I held him tightly and everything had been set right in the world. He relaxed in my arms and fell asleep. A perfect ending to a worrisome day, a perfect ending to a terrible stretched period of silence, a perfect beginning to a beautiful relationship.


	5. I wonder

Ok guys, i didn't give you much time to decide sorry. i just kinda got sudden inspiration. this story was originally written for my girlfriend and i think that this kinda reflects some of whats been going on. well here ya go babe enjoy. and everyone tell me what you think

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So the worst is over, right? I think not. Yeah we're 'together' but not in the public eye. I sneak to his house late at night and stay there with him, but its not really the same. He treats me different than the rest of the team now. He's more lax. Or maybe its all in my head, Sasuke and Sakura don't notice anything, or if they have they don't mention it. I don't have to worry about him figuring it out but now its up to everyone else when we can be together. Its frustrating to me. I hid my feelings for so long and though it may have brought my spirits down it wasn't anything near this. This is constant torture, watching my Jonin lover every day knowing what I know and not being able to touch him, be held, be kissed or caressed. I don't want anything bad to happen, I want this to last, but something needs to change. Something needs to give. I can't stay like this!

I admit I may be a little happier but it could be better. It has been worse but at the time I didn't really know what I was missing and now that I do know it almost hurts that I can't have that. Sometimes the thought crosses my mind that he just doesn't want to be seen as my lover, he doesn't want to accept that yeah, I'm a _guy_! But I tend to stay away from those, cause if thats the case then I wish he'd never told me. That I'd been able to keep my mouth shut and refuse him. I almost wish I could have some days. I sit staring at my ramen and wonder why was I the one chosen for all of this to happen to. What could I possibly have done in my past life that I deserved this much of a punishment, was I a serial rapist murdering akatsuki member or something? Seriously I don't get it.

He seems almost more distant now too. I don't know why but lately he seems more... pulled away. Maybe he realized that he was wrong and he didn't feel the way he said he did. And if thats it then he should just tell me! Its better than stringing me along. I really want what I think we have to be real but I can't help but asking if I'm holding onto something that was dead before it lived. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be. But I won't give up. Until he says the words, 'Its over' I'll keep trying. I love him, I really do, but can the same be said for him? I hope so, I don't know what I would do without him. Perhaps I'll do something special for him? Remind him of that. Hm... but what? Well there is the obvious answer but I don't want to lose my virginity yet. Especially when I'm doubting him so. I won't give him something he doesn't want from me.

So just when I think things are going to get less complicated I'm proven wrong. Oh what a tangled web we weave. And soon I'm afraid we'll be caught up in it. Maybe he thinks he's doing all this for my own good. Maybe he's doing it for himself or maybe he's as confused as I am. Highly doubtful but possible none the less. However I always look to him when I'm confused so if we're in the same boat who do I look to? How do I know which way to row? I admit it I'm still inexperienced, I'm still young and I've never had to deal with this. I don't know what to do or how to do it. I was looking forward to learning but at this rate all I'm learning is that it is better to keep your mouth shut when it comes to love confessions. It causes way too much trouble when you finally open it. I advise you to keep your lips locked and throw away the key. It brings too much confusion, doubt and pain if you keep that key in your pocket. Someone might steal it, then what will you do? Seriously I'd rather love him from afar than continue going through this.

If only he'd hold me like he did that first night. Unafraid of other people, not wanting anything than to just be there, with the weight of the secret lifted off our chests. It was a wonderful feeling. I felt like my chest would burst my heart was racing so fast. He just held me there in that tree all night. It was bliss. But then the sun rose and we separated. I felt more alone the next day than I ever had. I didn't know what to expect from him now. I only knew that I'd never been held like that before in my life. I knew I wanted it to happen again and soon. Well my wish was granted that same night. It was late, probably after midnight, it was the end of my watch and the beginning of his. He jumped up onto the branch quietly and pulled me to him. I relaxed against him and slept while he watched. It was like that most every night during our mission, but as soon as we got into Konoha it didn't happen often. Still doesn't no matter how much I wish it would. And it probably won't. I think maybe the thrill wore off for him... But I'll always remember those few days I had with him. I don't think I could ever forget them. They were by far the best days of my life. I wonder, does he think the same?


	6. I wish

wow amazing two chapters in like five mins right? sorry neither are very long but their good hopefully. again, enjoy. tell me what you think

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I wish I could say let me explain and throw a big speech at you. I'm not one prone to lying and I won't start now. I don't know what I'm doing. I know its hurting him and I don't enjoy it but I have to figure out if its the best for the both of us. He is still very young, while I am not. I am twice his age and a respected figure in society. What am I to do? To be openly lovers would not only cause harm to me and my reputation but more emotional scars that he doesn't need. I don't know what actions to take. I wish it were as easy as not caring. There is a lot at stake here however. I do love him. That won't change but I don't know how I can be with him openly. In the confines of my home and behind closed doors perhaps. Even then I feel as though I'm violating him. As I said I am twice his age. He should not be with someone as old as I.

I do not wish to harm him in any way, physically, mentally or emotionally. I wish to be with him, but I don't see a way to be together happily right now. I know I've distanced myself slightly and I can see that he notices. I'm just trying to look at this from different angles and figure out something that benefits the both of us. I wish to talk to him about it but I already know what he would say. He would say he didn't care about the people and what they thought about the age. He is still young and does not yet understand my reasoning. He has been through enough alone and I want to be there for anything he might need me for, but at the same time I wish he would find someone else, someone younger and better suited for him.

I see the hurt in his eyes during the day when we assume our teacher-student relationship and I want to hold him. I should have left it alone. He would have moved on, he would have found someone else. But the suffering I could see in his eyes cracked my will. I only wanted to see that hurt disappear even if only for a moment. And I could see the genuine happiness radiate off of him the rest of the week. It slowly disappeared as we returned to the village and problems began to make themselves known in my head. I wish I knew how to solve them. I wish I could just make them all go away so I could stop causing more pain for him. I wish he could understand my predicament. I wish he was older or that I was younger and I wish that it didn't matter the age. But it does and I can't change that no matter how hard I try to.

That lovable blond knucklehead stole my heart and my ability to reason with it. If I had waited quietly like I had planned for only a few more years there wouldn't be any problem. But like I said he took my reason and I cracked. It had felt good at the time but now all it has brought is suffering and pain. I wish I could tell him all of this but I'm afraid he wouldn't understand. I'm not trying to hurt him but in order to protect the both of us I need to figure out what to do about it before I can act. That is my one flaw, I almost always have a plan of action, when I don't or I don't follow it, things get messy. Like now, if I had stuck to my original plan we wouldn't be having these problems.

If only it could go back to the way it was during that mission. Holding him as h slept every night had felt like heaven. I didn't have to worry about anyone knowing. I didn't have to worry about their judgmental ways. It was me and him. Two people who love each other with everything. And I do love him with everything though I may not show it well. I remember the way he would hold onto me as he slept almost as if he was making sure I wouldn't leave him as he slumbered. I would watch him sleep. His face sometimes marred by a pained look that would make me want to cry. He would whimper and whine. One time he actually started to cry about something and I couldn't help him. Thats all i've ever wanted to do for him. I always wanted to help and heal. Not hurt and tear down. I can see that he doesn't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing.

The nights he comes to my house and quietly sneaks into my bed with me make me wonder if maybe it doesn't matter. That maybe we really can just be. After I hear him snore I pull him as close to me as I can and hold him. I never want to let him go but I'm afraid that maybe I will have to for us to survive. I tuck his head under my chin and feel his soft blond hair tickle my neck and I'm truly happy. I don't believe I can be happy without him. I wish he knew that. I wish I could tell him how much he meant to me. I hope one day I can show him that. Prove to him that I do in fact love him more than anything this world has to offer. I want to be with him for as long as possible. I wish he knew.


	7. Taking a break

Hey guys this ones a little bit longer. sorry if it seems rushed. if it hadn't been so it would have been a really really short chapter. well, read review and enjoy. loves.

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So I'm leaving. The village that is. I just can't take it anymore. Call me selfish I don't care. If he wants me, he'll wait for me to come back. I told Baa-chan I wanted to leave and she suggested I take on an 'extended mission' basically she told me to travel and write her letters about it, classified as reports. She agreed not to tell anyone where I was going or what I was doing. So basically I'm taking a useful vacation. All expenses paid of course. She says I can be gone as long as I want, I'm betting around three or four months, not too long, just long enough to let the dust settle. Just long enough to see where we still stand when I get back.

Its not him I want to leave, believe me, I'll miss him. I just have to get away from what he's doing. It's the only way I can see to ease any tension. I really should tell him, but I'm not going to. I've only told two people I'm leaving, Baa-chan and Iruka. Iruka suggested I tell Kakashi, seeing as he knows about us, but that he respects my wishes and won't tell him for me. I don't want to tell Kakashi because I want him to realize I'm not waiting around forever for him. Maybe he'll make up his mind whether he wants me or not. I leave within the day. I leave in the cover of night, nobody will see me leave and nobody will probably care one way or another. So with Iruka's blessing and Tsunade's seal of approval I packed and left the only place I'd called home and the only people I'd called friends.

I just started walking. I walked away from konoha swiftly and steadily, I walked until I collapsed and set up my camp. I did this for a few days and found myself traveling through Suna. I decided to stop and say hello and stock up on more supplies. After, I started walking again. I also started doing a small amount of workouts to stay in shape. Every day he was in every though, every letter asked about him every day was lonlier without him but I made myself endure. I told myself it would be better this way in the end.

Tsunade sent me replies to my letters, keeping me informed in the going ons in the village. She never mentioned the silver haired jonin. Perhaps I didn't want her too. It always disappointed me when I didn't hear about him though. But one day as I unfolded her letter a piece of paper fluttered to the ground. I set the letter aside and picked it up. Two words were written on it in simple handwriting. No name was needed to know who it was from. Miss You. It probably took all he had just to get her to send the scrap of paper with the letter. I'm glad he did.

So weeks went by in my self proclaimed banishment, weeks melded into months and the days flew by. I traveled to many new villages and cities. I met many new people. New people who didn't know me, who didn't know my past or look down upon me, new people who accepted me as one of their own. Fan clubs took root and I was ecstatic that for once it was I who was in the spotlight. And this spotlight was not one of judgment, but of adoration. Getting showered with gifts from pretty girls and being invited to play games with the other boys or being able to impress somebody with your ninja skills, these small things make the biggest difference. I really wondered what I had missed all my years of life.

I traveled so long a year came and left and another was closing in fast. I still had that scrap of paper folded up neatly and stuffed in my pocket. I couldn't wait to get back to him, but I wasn't done. Not yet. I wasn't done feeling accepted and loved. I wasn't done finding new ways to impress people; I wasn't done being showered with hand sewn clothing. I wasn't done being a normal person. I craved the attention I was receiving I had never felt anything like it before. Pure acceptance for who you are, not what's inside you. I loved all of the small villages and the big cities. So many new things to look at, I stuffed bags full of souvenirs to take back with me. Soon my second year closed in and I was ready to go home.

I packed all of my stuff and headed back to konoha. It was a long trip and it took me almost a month just to get back. Armed with bagfuls of souvenirs and dressed in my newest outfit I walked through the gates of the leaf village. The first place I visited was Tsunade. She made me sit and tell her everything. Even anything I'd already told her. I showed her and told her about each souvenir and the new cloths and new tricks I'd learned. I told her about the friends and the places and she listened eagerly until I was out of things to tell her. By this time the sun was starting to set. She handed me some money with a smile and told me to go buy me some ramen for dinner. I readily headed down to the ramen bar. I passed friends along the way each saying we'd have to get together later and catch up. Each giving me a small smile and going about their business.

Iruka found me walking towards my dinner and accompanied me. He made me repeat my stories until he had to leave. He bid me farewell with a wave and a smile and a promise to continue when he wasn't so busy. At least he'd made an effort I thought. There was still one certain person I hadn't seen yet. I continued to eat slowly and enjoy being home when I heard the soft footfalls of someone entering the ramen bar and the creek of the bench next to me as someone sat down.

I was pretty sure I knew who it was. My heart thudded in my chest and butterflies did back flips in my stomach. I set my chopsticks down as my hands trembled. It was quiet for quite a while. The silence was deafening and the air was oppressive and hard to breath. But the tense stillness was broken with one softly spoken word.

"Naruto"


	8. Left Behind

Ok folks, here it is. Chapter 8. Enjoy. I think I will only be doing 2 more chapters. this story is a little too long for my liking. enjoy review and have a cookie ^^

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I woke up that morning with a sinking feeling in my stomach. Naruto had not come over that night. I got up and ready for the day with a knot in my chest. I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I had done something. I left my house with a feeling of dread I could not place. I checked his apartment to find it startlingly empty. There was nothing there. This only heightened my sense of dread and made me start to worry. I asked Sasuke and Sakura as I saw them if they knew where their teammate was. Neither could tell me. I immediately headed to Tsunade in a very worried state of mind. I entered her office as calmly as I could and politely asked if she had seen Naruto. She informed me simply he was on a mission and she did not know when he would return.

So I learned of his plan to leave. I also learned she would not tell me where he had gone. She told me to go home and he'd come back when he was ready. So I left in very low spirits and went to meet the rest of my team. I tried not to look or act as I felt but it is hard to function with a hollow spot in your chest. I couldn't understand why he would leave without telling me. Perhaps I did deserve to be left, but not clueless. I did act coldly toward him. I just wish he'd left me some sort of message, at least a goodbye.

I felt myself sinking into a pit of depression. I kept myself happy for everyone else. However, if I could have stayed in bed all day everyday I would have. Days flew into weeks and each one followed the same routine. I'd get up, check with Tsunade then train with my team. I almost stopped eating altogether. Every time I even thought of eating, I had to hold back anything I might have choked down. I slept more and more and my books were collecting dust on a shelf. I wished my blonde lover would come back. Soon Tsunade told me that if my team was being put under someone else's care and guidance until I was able to take care of myself.

So soon, my routine was basically demolished and I hardly ever left my apartment. I wondered where he was, what he was doing and if he ever wanted to come home. I decided I really didn't care about what anyone said. By now however most reason was being chased away by the overwhelming desire to have him back and to never let him go. Rationality was slipping as all I could think of was ways to make him want to stay when he got home. Soon Tsunade sent for me and I made the short journey to her office. She took one look at me and knew the state I was in.

She had been sending Naruto letters she informed me. He had asked about me in almost every one of them. However she hadn't wanted to alarm him and so she hadn't said anything about me to him. She told me that she would include a short message from me to him in one of her letters. She told me to bring it to her later that day. I went home to think of what I wanted to tell him. There was so much I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I wanted to tell him he was my world and I didn't want to lose him, I wanted him to come home. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I sat and stared at the paper and finally I wrote three simple words. I miss you. There was nothing else I could write.

I took the small message to Tsunade on a small piece of paper. She looked at it and back to me questioningly but didn't ask any questions. She folded it up with her letter and excused me. I felt a little better knowing he was at least thinking about me. And knowing he would know that I was still waiting. So slowly did days turn to weeks and weeks to months and months to a year. I still only ate minimally and it was definitely showing. I was thin, tired and pale. Tsunade had started bring food to my house and making me eat little bits at a time all day long. I was grateful to her; she could have just let me waste away. I even told her this but she just shook her head and told me Naruto would have her head if she didn't. I smiled and said that sounded like him. Her face suddenly darkened as she told me he was thinking of staying away longer. My stomach knotted and it was all I could do not to vomit.

She apologized for springing it on me but she couldn't figure any other way to tell me. If anything after that day my condition worsened. Tsunade could hardly force any food down my throat anymore and when she did, it didn't stay down very long. I was giving up on the hope he was going to come home. It seemed he didn't really care I was here waiting, not that I could blame him after how I had treated him. Tsunade told me if I kept this up she would hospitalize me so I wouldn't kill myself, accidentally of course.

Two years finally passed and I had forced myself to eat enough that Tsunade's threat never came true. I was able to stay at my own home and wait. What I was waiting for anymore seemed even farther away. I was actually reading one day when, at almost dusk Tsunade showed up to my house with a twinkle in her eye and a laugh in her voice. Just looking at her my mood started to rise. She had the biggest grin I had ever seen on her face and she told me to get cleaned up and get down to the ramen bar.

I did just that. I cleaned myself up and headed slowly to the ramen bar. I wondered what I would see when I got there. Would he be different? The same? Would he have someone with him? I stopped at the entrance and took a deep breath. I sure hoped he was alone. I made my way to a stool next to the lone blonde. He slowly ceased to move as I sat. I was so happy to see him. I felt two years of guilt, depression and hurt ebb away slightly as I looked at him. I sat for a moment wondering what to say to him. All words left me, except one. It came out breathless and soft.

"Naruto"


	9. At long last! for everyone

for all those who begged for more. you may have changed my mind. i left it on the worse possible cliffhanger. i dissapointed myself when i went back and read it! we will see what i can pull out for you guys huh? just to let you know i don't have a word processer on my laptop so its all written on fanfiction (i cheated) so any mistakes i make, i'm sorry, i am not a very good editor. :) i did do this chapter a little weirder than the others, i put them both in one post. i just couldn't think up enough for two seperate ones. but here concludes my longest story yet. thank you for waiting on me. the ones who finally kicked my ass into gear were my Aunt Faye and chibiluffy-sama. thanks guys. :)

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I turned slowly to him, unsure how to act. Two years had gone by, he looked horrible and all I could think was that I had done that to him. I turned him into the hollow pale shell that sat in front of me. My stomach dropped and I felt a wave of guilt pass over me. I had never intended to hurt him so deeply. We sat in an silence for a moment longer until I couldn't stand it any longer. Finally I spoke, I was only going to tell him I hadn't meant to be away from him for so long and that I didn't know what it had done to him, I only planned on telling him I was sorry, but everything came tumbling out. Everything about feeling neglected and hurt. And soon tears accompanied my story and I wiped at them angrily. Before I could say I was sorry for the millionth-and-a-half time, I found myself being tightly held in the lap of the man I dreamt of every night, asked about every letter and missed every minute. Besides that, he was kissing me. In public. Kissing. Public place. It made me wonder just what I had done to him.

After getting over the shock of being forcibly removed from my seat and my lips crushed witha bruising intensity I had the sense to actually act. I wrapped my arms around him finally and returned the kiss. One I had dreamt of since I had left the village two years before. Finally I believed that leaving the village that long time ago had actually been a very good idea. I was enjoying the outcome. After a few blissful moments, that were over far to soon might I add, he released me and were both panting slightly. I couldn't even say anything. Not because I didn't want to, but I had nothing to say. All I could do was sit in his lap and grin like an idiot. But hey, better a happy idiot than a lonely fool. right?

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He was more tanned than when he had left, his eyes were brighter. He seemed genuinely more happy than he had been when he left. I realised that him leaving the village as he had actually had helped him. As he turned to me, some of the light in his eyes dimmed and his head sank slightly. I only hoped he wasn't going to tell me he didn't want me still. I couldn't bear it. I had waited much too long to be rejected. All I wanted was to sweep him into my lap and kiss him sensless, but I was not sure where we still stood. I had to know for sure if he was still mine to sweep away. I sat silently waiting, not sure how to break the silence, but wishing it to end. Until it did, however I was going to enjoy the thought of my blonde knucklehead being home agian.

I sat drinking in the sight of him, wondering why he had such a sad look on his face when he started talking. At first it sounded like a rehearsed speech but then he started rambling and saying he was sorry. Over and over, he said he was sorry. He started telling me his reasons for leaving, the way he had felt neglected and tense. The way he had wished we could be closer and his confusion. Before he could say he was sorry again I had my arms around him. I pulled him into my lap and kissed him the way I had dreamt of doing for two years. I let out every frustration and desperate feelings I'd had for those long months alone. For a moment he was unresponsive, but soon he had his arms around me and was kissing me most gloriously. I wanted to hold him like this forever. It was Heaven. It was paradise, this time I was determined to keep it. I let him go, slightly winded, and a grin slowly grew across his face. We sat there like that, in silence, with his blinding grin never changing and I was happy. I ordered both of us a bowl of ramen and ate with my blonde half.

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So there you have it. everyone said they needed to kiss, so who was i to deny you? there is the conclusion to a story i never thought i would finish. haha. thank you to all who actually prodded me enough that i drug my lazy ass to a computer and typed it. And i must say, the dedication has changed. this story is now dedicated to all my fans who have read it and to all those who like a special someone and aren't quite sure how to tell them. you never know what might happen so try it! sometimes it doesn't end well, but you live and you let live and you'll move on.


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